Just Words on the Train

I love this poem. It's been on the subway the past few months. I saw it again this morning and it kind of captured something for me/in me again when I read it. The poet's name is Malca Litovtiz.

Rain
Do you hear the rain?
I want to turn off the computer
and call you to tell you
how it is raining
in the green centre of the day,
late afternoon thundering open
like heartbreak
-like we imagine-
but you are another illusion
so I keep on typing.

Rage Against the Hormones.

They are a pain. They just made me run down the hall and leap into a closing elevator.
Without an excuse for why I was in the elevator. So when he asked, I just had to admit that there was no other reason other than that he, the object of hormonal freak out, was there too.

Is it possible that we were actually better equiped to deal with hormones as teens, because they were always fluxing? So we kind of got used to it?
Now as adults when it happens it freaks me out because I'm not used to it anymore.

Then again, dealing with with one hormonal lunge into an elevator once in awhile is better than daily hormonal humiliation, I guess.

I feel a little like I am living my life slightly out of phase right now. Like I am a few frames out of sequence. Just enough that if you look carefully you see the words aren't quite matching up with the pictures. It's not a bad thing; I kind of like the feeling. But it does cause you to do things like the above. And the problem is if you are out of sycn, you can't quite catch up with yourself since the two are moving at the same speed.

So you find yourself watching yourself a split second in the future, leaping through the closing elevator doors and somewhere in your head the voice is saying in slow motion "nnnooooooooo! Don't dooooooooo it!" But it's too late. The doors have closed. And you are inside.

That's all I got today.

Mixin' it up in the Dot.

I'm always yabbering on about ooh ooh how much I love Fall. But it occurs to me I do the same thing about Spring. And then, a few weeks ago, we had some other weird day that was the first of its kind in Winter. So maybe it's not just Fall that gets me excited. Maybe it's just the change. Fall is beautiful of course, but one of the things that I like about it is the way my body responds to it. I mean, outside smells diferent and the temperature has changed and that makes me change and adapt as well.

When we've got shit weather like this insane cold we have now I get pissy. Because it really is just too cold to do anything. And we say things like wouldn't it be nice if we lived somewhere where it was nice and hot all year round.

But the thing is it wouldn't be. That would be boring. There would be no challenge. There would be no euphoric high when suddenly the damp smell of earth and dogshit hits you for the first time in March. No blinding bitch-slap when you walk out into bright sun and minus 27. I love that.

If your life is in a boring slump, without the weather, it would get so mundane and routine. At least with a change in climate, that part of life gets turn-around. And also, when your life is busy, or you are trying to sort stuff out in your over-active brain, the change in weather can give you that change in perspective you need to solve your current annoying problem.

And granted, if the weather was changing radically on a daily basis, I would be scared. Very scared. Impending armegeddeon scared. I mean, I've been a little freaked out in recent weeks not just by the tsunamis, but all the weird weather stuff that seems to be going on all over the world. No, I think with the four seasons, I have just enough seasonal overturn to keep it interesting, and get it mixed up in the Dot without losing my mind.